40+ Best Witty Quotes about Sarcastic, Short, Funny, Love, About Life, Senior, Friendship

in This Article, we are sharing Some Best Witty Quotes like Short, Sarcastic, Funny, Christmas, Love, About Life, Senior, Friendship, Birthday, Wedding and Inspirational Quotes. You Can Share These Quotes on social media.

Best Witty Quotes

“A grieving woman could sit alone on a jetty in the early morning. But not with a book in her hands.” – Pia Juul

“A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

“A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty sayings are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.” – George Dennison Prentice

Short Witty Quotes

“A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.” – Ljupka Cvetanova

“A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.” – Michael Bassey Johnson

“A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.” – J. Robson Koenig

“A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being ‘frank’.” – Robert Heinlein

“A witty saying proves nothing.” – Voltaire

“A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.” – Len Wein

“A true friend overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!” – Doug Larson

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” – William James

“Action will destroy your procrastination.” – Og Mandino

“All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions.” – Adlai E. Stevenson

Funny Witty Quotes

Your secrets are safe with me… I wasn’t even listening.- Anonymous

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest… I would miss you so much.- Anonymous

“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” – William Shakespeare

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”- Henry Ford

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity” – Anonymous

“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?” – Anonymous

“Your secrets are safe with me… I wasn’t even listening.” – Anonymous

Witty Sarcastic Quotes

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright

“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

“I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” – Albert Einstein

“In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.” – Albert Einstein

“What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera ” – Aldous Huxley

Witty Love Quotes

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.- Woodrow Wyatt

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils. ― Louis Hector Berlioz

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. ― Sharon Stone

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. — Phyllis Diller

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. – Mark Twain

Witty Quotes About Life

Arguing with a fool proves there are two. – Doris M. Smith

My father said there were two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better. – Marlo Thomas

It is surprising what a man can do when he has to, and how little most men will do when they don’t have to. – Walter Linn

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. – Confucius

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Witty Senior Quotes

“The only time I set the bar low is for limbo” — Michael Scott, “The Office”

Without education we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously. – Gilbert Keith Chesterton

I never did very well in Math. I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn’t meant my answers literally. – Calvin Marshall Trillin

You send your child to the schoolmaster, but ’tis the schoolboys who educate him. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. – Mark Twain

Witty Friendship Quotes

“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.” – Mark Twain

“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like, ‘What about lunch?’” – A.A. Milne

“Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected.” – Charles Lamb

“Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” – Linda Grayson

Witty Wedding Quotes

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” —Cher

“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” —Marilyn Monroe

Witty Inspirational Quotes

“I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.” – Woodrow Wilson

“I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.” – Abraham Maslow

“I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.” – Suzanne Wrightt

“I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.” – David Livingstone

“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.” – Amit Kalantri

“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.” – Criss Jami

“Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.” – John Kenneth Galbraith

“Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.” – Otto von Bismarck

“Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find a good one, you must one hundred try.” – Claude Mermet

“Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.” – Thomas Alva Edison

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