50 Short Funny Christmas Quotes and Sayings to Keep Smile until the new year

To help you get through the stress of the holiday season, check out these 50 Short Funny Christmas Quotes and Sayings to keep you laughing until the New Year 2023.

Short Funny Christmas Quotes and Sayings

“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” -Kin Hubbard

“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” ~ Phyllis Diller

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“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” -Andy Borowitz

“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” – Winston Spear

“I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.” – Bridger Winegar

Funny Christmas Quotes

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” -Will Ferrell, “Elf”

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” -Kin Hubbard

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“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” -Shirley Temple

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”-Jerry Seinfeld

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” -Johnny Carson

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” ~ Garrison Keillor

Short Funny Christmas Sayings and Quotes

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.”-Larry Wilde

“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.”-Bob Phillips

“Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year.”-Victor Borge

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

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“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”-Bernard Manning

“Christmas is a race to see which gives out first—your money or your feet.”-Author Unknown

Short Funny Christmas Quotes

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.”-J.K. Rowling

“You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”-Maya Angelou

“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” – Henny Youngman

ALos Read: 40+ Best Merry Christmas Quotes to Get You Into the Holiday Spirit

“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”– Andy Borowitz

Funny Christmas Card Quotes

“At Christmas, play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year.” – Thomas Tusser

“I get a little behind during Lent, but it comes out even at Christmas.” – Frank Butler

“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Barry

Merry Christmas Quotes Funny

“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.”-Melanie White

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar

“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.”- Winston Spear

“I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”-Bridger Winegar

“Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.” – Lenore Hershey

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?”-Matt Groening

Funny Christmas Vacation Quotes

“There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?”-Conan O’Brien

“A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.”-Melanie White

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?” – Matt Groening

Funny Christmas Tree Quotes

“For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway!” – Anne Bristow

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”- Johnny Carson

“The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” -Julius Sharpe

“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.”-Andy Borowitz

“There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.” – Robert Staughton Lynd

Funny Merry Christmas Quotes

“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” – Don Marquis

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor

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