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Funny Quotes For Everyone

Funny Quotes : If you want to laugh then we have taken good care of you in this post. We are here to make you laugh at some of the best Funny Quotes for Everyone.

You can apply these funny quotes as status on WhatsApp, Facebook or Instagram or share with your friends on social media to bring smiles to their faces and make them happy.


1.”Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” —Stanley Hudson, The Office


2. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ―Mindy Kaling

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3. “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.”—W.C. Fields


4. “People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” —Joan Rivers


5. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” —Elbert Hubbard


6. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ―Mae West


7. “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” —Charlie Brown

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8. “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.” —James Branch Cabell


9. “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.” ―Bill Watterson


10. “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” ―Mae West


11. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”―W.C. Fields


12. “I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!!”― Charles M. Schulz

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13. “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.” ―Oscar Wilde


14. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” —Michael Scott, The Office


15. ​​”Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not sure about the universe.”―Albert Einstein


16. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” ―Cathy Guisewite


17. “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” ―Isaac Asimov

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18. “When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.” —Lily Tomlin


19. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”—Zach Galifianakis


20. “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” —Kevin Malone, The Office


Funny Inspirational Quotes

21.“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin


22.“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

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23.“I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

24.All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain


25-. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra

 


26- “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

27- “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” –Robert Benchley

 


28-“Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” –Langston Coleman

29-“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

30- “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

31. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison

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32. “Be happy, it drives people crazy.” — Paulo Coelho


33. “Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler


34. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished— If you’re alive it isn’t.” — Richard Bach



36. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney


37. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson

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38. “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick


39. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” — Terry Pratchett


Funny Daily Quotes

40. “Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be a miserable cow.”- Unknown


41. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” — Terry Pratchett


42. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

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43. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire

44. “See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” — George Harris


45. “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov


46. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” — Oscar Wilde


47. “Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine.” — Lord Byron

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48. “Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” — Charles Bukowski


49.” “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”- Unknown


50. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost


Short Funny Quotes

51.“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde


52. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito.” — African proverb quoted by the Dalai Lama

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54. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


55.“I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” — Louis Agassiz


56. “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best — that is inspiration.” — Robert Bresson


57. “When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hang on tight, and believe.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang


58. “Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.”

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59.“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa


Funny Sayings About Life

60.“Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.” — Charles J. Sykes


61. “You can’t shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond! “- Eric Thomas


62.” A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.”- Charles Gordy


63.”It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them.”- Rose MacAulay

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64.”Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours.”- Frank Moore Colby


65.”There are three ways in life to become popular: be rich, be beautiful, or be funny.”-Jon Macks


66. “The truth hurts, and so would you if you were stretched as much.”- Unknown


67.”I don’t have a funny bone in my body; now I know why my surgeon’s bills are so high.”- Rory R. Cuphist


68.”Being rich is having money; being wealthy is having time.”- Margaret Bonnano

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69.”I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.”- Maya Angelou


Fun Thought of the Day

70.”I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”- Woody Allen


71.”A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.” – Irish Proverb


72.”Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.”- Charles M. Schulz


73.”Photography without seeing would be like eating without tasting.”- David McKay

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74.”If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.”- Confucius


75.”Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”- Will Rogers


76.”A business like an automobile, has to be driven, in order to get results.”- BC Forbes


77.”Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!” – Audrey Hepburn


78.”Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.”- Will Rogers

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79.”I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”- Gandhi


80.”You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”- Solomon Schechter


 

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